Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
