Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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