Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im part way to drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
