You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
