PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
