I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
