It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
love makes seman taste better
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
