Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
