Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
