Christians are straight up FREAKS
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
