Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
