Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize