At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
