I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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