he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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