Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
