Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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