I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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