Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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