elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He felt like a one man threesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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