I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
