Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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