every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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