Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
