This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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