I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
