he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
