At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize