why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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