i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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