I wanna passion pit in your ass
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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