hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
