i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
