problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize