last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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