just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
