Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He passed out mid-signature
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
