she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
