remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
