I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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