I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
