The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
