didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
