god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
