I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
