I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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