This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
