I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
