Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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