Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
