alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize