I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
