Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
