Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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