I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
