I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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