So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize