Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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