Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
