I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Boobs speak an international language.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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