just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
